It's been 4 year!

Wow, I can't believe that it's been 4 years since I last wrote a piece.

Just need a place to randomly vent myself, if not, I'm afraid that I'll get HBP.

1. Just because it happened to you, doesn't mean it will happen to the whole wide world. Quit trying to fit others into your narrow point of view. The world is so broad, please try to broaden your mind before you try to force someone into your shoes.

2. Money isn't the solution to ALL problem. Yes, it is the solution to MOST problems, but if you think that a family could only live in harmony when you're rich, then you're wrong. Yes, without money, the stress will be there, but overcoming it together is what a family is for. Take money out of the equation, we'll still be a family. But some things can't never be bought with money, like concern for your loved ones and caring enough to spend time with them.

3. Can you mend broken glass? If your answer is no, then please please please think thoroughly before you choose to say words that could break a heart. Even if you didn't mean it, when you say it out loud, part of you meant it. Words could really cut deeper than a knife. Being angry/emotional doesn't give you the right to hurt someone. It's a pathetic excuse. Control your freaking mouth, you're an adult, not a toddler.

4. When you point one finger at someone, kindly remember that there are 4 fingers pointing back at you.


There are always things that I couldn't say to anyone, thus, this place would be my sanctuary, my personal hell and heaven. I can vent about anything without caring for anyone in the world. Not you, not them!

I wonder

After all these days, I am beginning to wonder if you are the right one for me..

Its tiring to pick up after you with your temper, and your sense of  judgement.

你认为对的，就否定了我的一切。

你爱你的家人，那我又何尝不爱我的家人？
在你家的一切，我都默默忍受，就是不希望我们会因为家人的事情有争执。

可是，你那一天让我失望透了..
要我接受你对我家人的批评，那你有尝试过问问我的意见吗？
我想开口的时候，你总是撇开话题，而你有意见时，我就得听..

我说过我不喜欢冷战，可是你偏偏却都是这个样子。
要我在这个时候哄你？我也得知道到底是什么事情？！
每次都说得自己视乎没有缺点，而我却处处都是缺陷，那你到底为什么先选择我？

爱反驳，不只是我一个..
我说到你不喜欢听的话，你有那一次是静静的听完，然后过滤的？

这几天的心情很糟糕，却找不到一个可以诉说的对象...
就因为我不想别人知道我们之间的这些。

可是..真的很辛苦！很累！
每次的争执后，你都可以很快的入睡，而我呢？没有一次不是流着泪睡着的，这些，你知道吗？

你说你会来哄我，有吗？？？
每次都被你说成是我的错，你有需要哄过我吗？

我的心结，你解得开吗？

有时候，我只是需要一个可以在我的无理取闹的时候哄一哄我的人…我知道我是错的，我只想希望你能在当下哄一哄我…真的那么难吗？事后，我还不是都会道歉？最近的我，过的不是很好，至少心灵上是这样。我觉得我被他们忽略，我知道这是一个很笨的想法。可是，从小到大我都没有过这样的感觉。一个人自己打点一切，或许你认为我被宠坏了，不过我的确是不喜欢这种回家自己一个人的感觉。你能适应，是你坚强，我承认，我是有点被宠坏了。所以，让一让我，好吗？

I know I'm not supposed to feel like this, but this is how you guys made me feel. Unwanted, burden..
Take that all away, I am left with only this. Well, I hope you guys are really happy there. FML.
Ever wondered how would I think? My opinion? If if isn't because I have him now, I would be utterly in pieces. I've kept myself whole. I've never known that I would find family warmth else where when I have my own perfectly happy family, but it turns out that I was wrong. Fuck wrong. What I overlooked in the beginning seems like a really big hole that I have to stare into these days. Yea, I don't have anything to be worried about now, he has like tonnes. SO GO TO HIM. I'M FINE ON MY OWN. DON'T CALL. I WILL BE FINE.

为什么你的生气就可以那么的理所当然？我是人，不是什么神仙…每次都是我妥协，是会累的…我已经放下了我的自尊，迎合你的方式了。难道我就没有生气的权力？我的生气，每次都被你讲得像蛮不讲理，而你却是那么的理所当然…说实话，你要我怎么做？我真的真的很讨厌这样的你！

痛

每次都是我妥协…让我一次真的有那么难吗…？
为了你，我已经收敛了我的倔强…以前的我，从来很少跟人家道歉。
为了你，我已经放下我最注重的尊严、面子……你还想要我怎样？
收起了我的倔强，剩下的是脆弱的自己…
我在你面前已经毫无保留的撕开自己的围墙，从以前到现在的我，很少认输、好胜。
和你在一起后，我放下我的好胜，放下我的骄傲。
为什么你就感受不到？
可能你不知道，我最害怕最讨厌的，就是冷战…
我宁愿大吵大闹，也不想无不理睬；

就一次，当我野蛮、任性、不讲理都好…让一让我，哄一哄我…有那么难吗？

你说我的举动让你感到失望，而我又何尝不是？
每次都是你不理我，我也会累的…
一整天了，一封简讯都没有…
难道就只有你可以保留你的倔强、你的坚持和你的诚信吗？

你可能永远都不会发觉这里，现在的我，是多么希望你看得到，感受得到…
等了一整天，从充满期待到现在的心情……你又可否知道？

It's been a long time since I last posted. I think it's becoming a habit, my blog is my hiding place..The place where I pour my heart out, when I'm feeling down.

We had our first argument today I guess. I don't think it's my problem this time. Since the beginning, all of the minor disagreements are pointed towards me. Some are my fault, yes. But other times, it's you being over-sensitive.

You have your principles, I have mine..Sometimes being the one who is always at fault is tiring. Being someone who is somehow quite egoistic, do you know how hard it is to always being the one apologizing and begging for forgiveness? I've made some sacrifices, do you know that I have never ever truly have to apologize to someone like the times I had with you? And yet, you've said that I am not being tolerable.

Today, he told me that he has accepted the job as an event planner for Johorean. After 2 or 3 weeks he accepted it. He said he has given me hints, what else do I want?? What I want is trust. Your principles only include yourself, have you ever thought of how I would feel? This is the first time I feel my heart throbbing with pain after 6/7 years? What I felt was disregarded as not being thoughtful! Disappointment..we both felt it this time. This is the 3rd time you have made me cry since we got together..I hope this won't become a habit..else I would be reluctant to let myself get deeper and start building a wall around once again.

I don't like feeling down at all, please promise me that this isn't starting to become a habit... :(

I try very hard to make myself not care that much..

But when I saw those posts, I still can't help feeling...

Heartache? Jealous?

I know that it's unavoidable..

but having someone you love caring that much towards another one that he once loved,

and having no choice but to accept..

Maybe i just need a place to express myself.

她

Maybe there's always someone in our life that is special in their own way..

That no one else will ever be able to replace their place in your heart..

那个她…就是你的那个她吧…

一个我永远都无法让你忘却的..遗憾？

心很痛，但是又能如何？

如果不是我的出现，也许…

是我想多了，还是其实我就是那个不该出现的？

I know you feel guilty towards her,

I know that there will always be a place in your heart that will never be for me.

时间…真的能冲淡吗？

很痛……

当一段感情走到尽头时，一切的言语问候都只是肤浅的关心……

我们似乎已经走到尽头了……

In case you don't know,

I am giving up.

You're not the one for me, as I for you.

我要的，你给不了……

你要的，我不想给，也给不了。

I'm giving up.

我要结束。

你不知道的事，你还是不知道……

Dilemma..

Now isn't really a good time to start anything new..

For the both of us, it's hard to stay committed once uni starts.

What should I do?

Do I say yes or should I say no?

Undecided..

There's more..this is your first??

It's gonna make me feel like shit if this ends badly :(

What should I do???????

此刻心情

打開窗戶讓孤單透氣
這一間屋子 如此密閉
歡呼聲仍飄在空氣裡
像空無一人一樣華麗

我 漸漸失去知覺
就當做是種自我逃避
你 飛到天的邊緣
我也不猜落在何地

一個我 需要夢想 需要方向 需要眼淚
更需要 一個人來 點亮天的黑
我已經 無能為力 無法抗拒 無路可退
這無聲的夜 現在的我 需要人陪

閉上眼睛 就看不清
這雙人床 欠缺的 溫馨
誰能 陪我 直到天明
穿透這片 迷濛寂靜

我 漸漸失去知覺
就當做是種自我逃避
你 飛到天的邊緣
我已不猜落在何地

一個我 需要夢想 需要方向 需要眼淚
更需要 一個人來 點亮天的黑
我已經 無能為力 無法抗拒 無路可退
這無聲的夜 現在的我 需要人陪

一個我 需要夢想 需要方向 需要眼淚
更需要 一個人來 點亮天的黑
我已經 無能為力 無法抗拒 無路可退
這無聲的夜 現在的我 需要人陪

Masochistic girl.

Time to wake up, people ain't gonna be there.

I don't understand,

did I do the right thing backing you up?

Or am I just handing you the knife to cut me up?

Because believe me,

there's already a bunch of wounds there.

When people around me are telling me not to trust you anymore,

am I making a wrong decision to stand by my place?

I'm really tired of all the dramas,

I hope every fuck ends the minute I don't have to see you anymore.

Funny how 1 year changes things.

12 months is good enough to break some bonds and form new ones.

Funny how things seem so simple 12 months ago,

now, stacks and stacks of burden has been added.

Looking back, perhaps there should be regrets.

Regrets for things that I should have done but haven't have the guts to do,

things that I shouldn't have done but did it anyway.

Words that I've wish I'd never said,

but said it anyway.

Truths that should be seen far ago,

but it only seem to present itself now.

1 year, 12 months..

and my whole world's turned around.

Maybe it's for the good.

I'll be rid of you soon!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

我永远都不想原谅你

You sure know how to make someone's life a living hell,

just by existing.

Hypocrite. Bitch.

I hope karma bites you in the ass.

小时候总希望赶快长大,

长大后才发现,

世界并没有想象中美好,

不武装自己只会受伤害,

武装起来却为难了自己,

站在人群中, 我看见自己的脆弱.

还好, 在下过雨之后的天空,

依然会放晴.

只是, 我现在真的很难过..