有时候，我只是需要一个可以在我的无理取闹的时候哄一哄我的人…我知道我是错的，我只想希望你能在当下哄一哄我…真的那么难吗？事后，我还不是都会道歉？最近的我，过的不是很好，至少心灵上是这样。我觉得我被他们忽略，我知道这是一个很笨的想法。可是，从小到大我都没有过这样的感觉。一个人自己打点一切，或许你认为我被宠坏了，不过我的确是不喜欢这种回家自己一个人的感觉。你能适应，是你坚强，我承认，我是有点被宠坏了。所以，让一让我，好吗？

I know I'm not supposed to feel like this, but this is how you guys made me feel. Unwanted, burden..
Take that all away, I am left with only this. Well, I hope you guys are really happy there. FML.
Ever wondered how would I think? My opinion? If if isn't because I have him now, I would be utterly in pieces. I've kept myself whole. I've never known that I would find family warmth else where when I have my own perfectly happy family, but it turns out that I was wrong. Fuck wrong. What I overlooked in the beginning seems like a really big hole that I have to stare into these days. Yea, I don't have anything to be worried about now, he has like tonnes. SO GO TO HIM. I'M FINE ON MY OWN. DON'T CALL. I WILL BE FINE.

为什么你的生气就可以那么的理所当然？我是人，不是什么神仙…每次都是我妥协，是会累的…我已经放下了我的自尊，迎合你的方式了。难道我就没有生气的权力？我的生气，每次都被你讲得像蛮不讲理，而你却是那么的理所当然…说实话，你要我怎么做？我真的真的很讨厌这样的你！

痛

每次都是我妥协…让我一次真的有那么难吗…？
为了你，我已经收敛了我的倔强…以前的我，从来很少跟人家道歉。
为了你，我已经放下我最注重的尊严、面子……你还想要我怎样？
收起了我的倔强，剩下的是脆弱的自己…
我在你面前已经毫无保留的撕开自己的围墙，从以前到现在的我，很少认输、好胜。
和你在一起后，我放下我的好胜，放下我的骄傲。
为什么你就感受不到？
可能你不知道，我最害怕最讨厌的，就是冷战…
我宁愿大吵大闹，也不想无不理睬；

就一次，当我野蛮、任性、不讲理都好…让一让我，哄一哄我…有那么难吗？

你说我的举动让你感到失望，而我又何尝不是？
每次都是你不理我，我也会累的…
一整天了，一封简讯都没有…
难道就只有你可以保留你的倔强、你的坚持和你的诚信吗？

你可能永远都不会发觉这里，现在的我，是多么希望你看得到，感受得到…
等了一整天，从充满期待到现在的心情……你又可否知道？

It's been a long time since I last posted. I think it's becoming a habit, my blog is my hiding place..The place where I pour my heart out, when I'm feeling down.

We had our first argument today I guess. I don't think it's my problem this time. Since the beginning, all of the minor disagreements are pointed towards me. Some are my fault, yes. But other times, it's you being over-sensitive.

You have your principles, I have mine..Sometimes being the one who is always at fault is tiring. Being someone who is somehow quite egoistic, do you know how hard it is to always being the one apologizing and begging for forgiveness? I've made some sacrifices, do you know that I have never ever truly have to apologize to someone like the times I had with you? And yet, you've said that I am not being tolerable.

Today, he told me that he has accepted the job as an event planner for Johorean. After 2 or 3 weeks he accepted it. He said he has given me hints, what else do I want?? What I want is trust. Your principles only include yourself, have you ever thought of how I would feel? This is the first time I feel my heart throbbing with pain after 6/7 years? What I felt was disregarded as not being thoughtful! Disappointment..we both felt it this time. This is the 3rd time you have made me cry since we got together..I hope this won't become a habit..else I would be reluctant to let myself get deeper and start building a wall around once again.

I don't like feeling down at all, please promise me that this isn't starting to become a habit... :(

I try very hard to make myself not care that much..

But when I saw those posts, I still can't help feeling...

Heartache? Jealous?

I know that it's unavoidable..

but having someone you love caring that much towards another one that he once loved,

and having no choice but to accept..

Maybe i just need a place to express myself.

她

Maybe there's always someone in our life that is special in their own way..

That no one else will ever be able to replace their place in your heart..

那个她…就是你的那个她吧…

一个我永远都无法让你忘却的..遗憾？

心很痛，但是又能如何？

如果不是我的出现，也许…

是我想多了，还是其实我就是那个不该出现的？

I know you feel guilty towards her,

I know that there will always be a place in your heart that will never be for me.

时间…真的能冲淡吗？

很痛……